Friday, February 27, 2009


Bridey had a pot luck at her house on Sunday. That was fun. A lot of people made things. I just brought a bottle of wine and added it to the collection on the counter. In typical fashion, I bought the cheapest bottle I could find (about $6). It tasted okay.

I like the idea of pot lucks on Sunday nights. That seems classy. I always have fantasies where my life consists of things like that, where I'm working on my writing during the day, going to dinner with friends at night, followed by drinking in a dark room with loud music, and then driving home probably too fast, while listening to the Flaming Lips. And then I realize I'm having these fantasies while I'm slouching in my chair watching yet another hour's worth of The Simpsons, drinking Dr. Pepper and eating ice cream.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

So, is this adulthood?

When I was younger I used to scoff at my older sister when she'd talk about going on a diet. "Why do girls care so much about gaining a pound? They're so lame." But then she started pointing out I too freak out if I gain a pound or two. Maybe this is because I've been pretty skinny my whole life, and the women in my family have always pointed at me and said, "Oh it'll catch up to you. You just watch!" So I've wanted to prove them wrong.

But my new job makes it hard as hell to eat right. My boss is extremely generous and buys the office food almost everyday. We also keep a stockpile of candy (Snickers, M&Ms, Reeses, and more) in the back. Plus I work with several middle-aged women who gladly bring in containers full of cookies or cake on a weekly basis.

Last week was particularly difficult. My boss bought the office McDonalds breakfast three days. I joined in two of the days, but was able to hold off on Friday. Then he bought us all Taco Bell on Tuesday. On Thursday there was some leftover pizza and he said, "C'mon Chris, take this pizza." On Friday, there was more pizza! Luckily I was able to turn this down and bypass the peer pressure. And then Aaron's car has been in the shop so I've been giving him rides and he's repaid me in food, so Tuesday night was Chipotle and Thursday was Panera. And let's not forget the leftover pizza and breadsticks my sister and her husband gave me this week. And if that's not enough, I got Burger King last night, somehow expecting a different outcome than my usual, "Oh my God, this is disgusting." Nope, did not happen.

So maybe the women in my family will win out soon enough. I'm counting down the days until I quickly gain 50 pounds and the situps I scramble to do after getting fast food won't save me.

Maybe I'm becoming like this video I made with Vince two and a half years ago. It shows my versatility as an actor as I play one character whose accent changes almost every scene: